It’s been quite some time since I last posted about legislative language. I hope you’ve found other sources for your daily humor fill.

Today I want to talk about corporate personhood. You know, like in Citizens United. When something that isn’t a living being with a single set of DNA is included in a legislative definition of “person.” Set aside whether it’s a good thing or a bad thing or whether those “persons” have Constitutional rights and liberties. We’re talking grammar* here.

People die. (Sorry for the bad news.) They might die of illness or natural causes or be shot or stabbed or decapitated by a sword-wielding suspect but when all is said and done, they’ve died. Which is why it’s funny to read this: “if a court finds that the person no longer exists” (my emphasis, in case you needed a hint to my not very humorous sense of humor).

*Not actually grammar. Please forgive the linguistic imprecision.